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Tuesday, December 27th, 2005
10:15 pm - I'm back!
So, yeah. I've been on Zoloft now for about two months. Chuck and I were talking about seriously taking first steps toward starting a family, and one of my priorities was to get my meds in order. My GP says Zoloft is perfectly acceptable during pregnancy- in fact, his own wife was on it while she was carrying both their children and they're school-aged now and doing fine- but I had to stop taking the trazodone. Apparently that's INCREDIBLY bad to take while pregnant.

Of course, less than a week after the appointment during which all of this was discussed I lost my job, so babies are on indefinite hold. Still, I'm very, very satisfied with the Zoloft and I was wanting to stop the trazodone anyway. The Paxil had begun its poop-out, but it had been about five months so I wasn't too surprised- I let it go a little too long and I'm sure that had something to do with my final decline at work, but that's honestly neither here nor there at this point.

I have been having amazing breakthrough after amazing breakthrough with Jana. After losing my job in November I've gone back to seeing her weekly instead of every two weeks, just to make sure I have a fixed opportunity each week to check in and clear out whatever negativity I've built up during my jobsearch. Jana's truly been the closest thing to a godsend or guardian angel that I could ever ask for, and I am eternally grateful for her assistance as I try to hack out my path.

Physically, I've been doing much better as well, although over the last couple of weeks I've been spending far too much time on the shitty futon in the back room using the laptop and I'm feeling it in my lower back muscles and my sciatic nerve is acting up. I'm going to see about making an appointment with my chiropractor if things don't improve by the weekend.

Chuck and I had been walking a few nights a week at the park near our house over the summer, but after the first real cold snap we kinda pussed out and have fallen out of the habit. My New Year's resolution is to resume at least twice-weekly walks, even if I have to go alone in the afternoons. Hell, I don't have much of anything better to do right now anyway, right?

current mood: determined

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Wednesday, May 25th, 2005
10:29 am
OK. So the rehab center gym is no longer open on Saturdays (not that I'd been going on Saturdays anyway, but still) so that leaves just Fridays for working out unless I find a 24-hr gym with all the equipment I need. Our insurance gives us a discount on memberships at certain gyms in the area, though, so that shouldn't be too much of a problem.

Got a chiropractor, and he is awesome. So that bring the total to one GP, one therapist, and one chiropractor, with a physical therapist having been retired from my routine. My regular doctor wants to set me up for a consultation with a psychiatrist because he's concerned that we may still not be on the right track medication-wise. I'm taking 10mg of generic Paxil since the Paxil CR was discontinued temporarily and I'm less than impressed with it thus far. I feel like the sadness part of my depression is totally gone, but I'm still tired and fuzzy-brained a lot. I had stopped taking either the amitryptiline or the trazodone over the weekend because I was getting sick of the super-vivid dreams and not being able to remember if things really happened or if they were dreams. I slept fine through the weekend but then Sunday night I tossed and turned and woke up a lot. Same thing Monday night, so last night I took a 25mg trazodone before bed. I slept all right (read: no weird dreams, no waking up again and again) but am still pretty tired this morning.

My chiropractor says he feels fibromyalgia is used too often as an umbrella diagnosis when doctors don't know exactly what's wrong with someone. Admittedly, my GP is still hesitant to say whether or not I do or don't have it, but since there's no test for it, there's no way to find out for sure. I have a lot of the symptoms, down to the ridged fingernails and trigger points, but I also like what my chiro had to say about it. He gave me some suggestions on dietary changes and a few exercises to do to help the adjustments he's making, and so far- even though it's been only a week- I do feel a little better. The biggest change is drastically cutting back on my bread and dairy intake. I once thought a life without cheese would be no kind of life at all, but when I allow myself to still have a little here and there, I don't notice it quite so much.

I wish I could stop being so frustrated about everything. I was doing really well for a while and now I feel like I'm backsliding like a motherfucker. Argh.

current mood: irritated

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Monday, April 18th, 2005
5:23 pm
Sorry it's been a while. Not a lot to report (as evidenced by my regular journal) but there are a few things.

First, PaxilCR has been discontinued indefinitely in the US because of some kind of FDA smackdown on the manufacturing facilities where it was produced. So now I'm on 10mg of regular Paxil, and I'm back to taking it at night. I had been trying to take it in the morning because I'm more consistent with time that way, but it was making me way too sleepy.

Things are going really well with my talk therapy, too. My last appointment was a week ago today and it was funny- I told her at the end that I had been a little hesitant because I didn't know what to talk about, and she said "The things that need to come up have a way of coming up", which I think is kinda genius in its simplicity yet undeniable truth. I feel like I've been making some progress with my food issues, as well as making peace with having become an adult. Jana has an interesting way of doing to me what I do to other people- asking questions that I hadn't thought of, where the answers are so obvious yet just out of reach. I really feel like I'm getting better, a little at a time.

However, I have been naughty about doing my daily stretches and I've only been going to the gym once a week instead of twice, which is still not often enough but the best I can do with my work schedule. I can feel my back knotting up again, and my left knee has started to give me some real trouble so hopefully this week I'll get up the balls to ask if I can make another appointment with Regina (my PT) or if I have to get another referral from Dr. Roszell.

Well, two steps forward and one step back, right? :)

current mood: tired

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Tuesday, March 15th, 2005
1:29 pm - Update
I'm up to the following: leg presses at 100lbs, hip abduction and flexion at 35lbs on each side, 'pec deck' at 25lbs (it was 20lbs, I don't know how I put '50' before), pullovers at 60lbs, ab curls at 110lbs, rowing at 50lbs. Everything else is the same.

Started the Paxil last night, with one trazodone, and this morning was the usual multivitamin and Vitamin C but only 5mg of Lexapro. I guess I'll do that for a week or two to keep down withdrawal symptoms, since I really need to be as on top of my game as possible right now. I saw my doctor yesterday and he helped assuage some of my concerns about the Paxil, and since I've been feeling kinda rundown and have been grinding my teeth and stuff again, I decided to go for it. I'm also supposed to try to add a 20-minute walk on the days I don't workout. This should be a lot easier when the weather warms up just a bit more, so we'll see.

Yesterday and Friday I did my usual workout, and got my ass KICKED. I sweated so much both days that my hair was wet halfway up my head. Last night and today my knees are killing me- really the muscles right above my knees- and I was sore all day afterward. I might have aggravated the fibromyalgia a little, because it wasn't the usual pooped but well-worked feeling I'm used to getting. I came home and ended up falling asleep when I just meant to stretch out and relax for a few minutes. I didn't eat anything but a snack bag of Cheese Nips until we went to dinner around 8, so I'm pretty hungry today. I need to start eating at least something for breakfast so I don't get so ravenous because I end up eating way too much at once.

PS- my sex drive is back! ;)

current mood: hungry

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Monday, March 7th, 2005
3:46 pm
I'm beginning to worry that I'm losing the ability to communicate as well as I used to. All the time now I find myself unable to remember the right words when I'm talking- not so often when I write, but then, writing's always at a slightly slower pace.

I'm also cutting out a lot of bullshit- these days I do a lot more saying what I want to say rather than what I 'ought' to say. One person in particular is finding this out pretty rapidly, and I hope it doesn't bother him too much. I really like him and I really like talking to him, so, yeah.

I was incredibly good about my exercises and workouts last week- I did all my daily exercises and went to the gym Friday and Saturday. Wore my ass out, for sure, but I raised some of my weights so that's to be expected. Weighed in at 224, which is a number that depresses me but I'm trying to look past it. The way I see it, the antidepressants are known to cause weight gain, and everyone makes a point of mentioning that muscle weighs more than fat- I know I've been building up some decent muscle, and only gaining 7lbs over the course of almost two months isn't that bad. I can do better, though, I know... and I shall.

The Paxil's still taking up space in the bathroom closet. I really am afraid of it and as long as the Lexapro feels like it's working I'm going to keep going with it. I am a little down today, but the weather's overcast and just nowhere near as nice as yesterday, plus it's really boring here today. Busy, but boring- the very worst kind.

My last appointment with Jana rocked hell with an iron fist- I'd said at the beginning that I wanted to address my issues with food, so we spent the whole hour getting into that. I learned some interesting new things and felt quite a lot better even just as I was leaving. I think just having certain points brought to my consciousness has been a huge help, and I've got three weeks to practice since she's on vacation annd my next appointment isn't until the 25th.

Still fighting feeling overwhelmed, but it's been successful so far. There's always the Paxil if I need it, and I'm seeing my doctor again on the 14th to check in.

current mood: tired

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Monday, February 28th, 2005
6:08 pm
I didn't go to the gym again Saturday- just felt like too much poop and didn't want to push it. But since I did go Wednesday and then Friday, I still got in my two visits. Yay!

I've been trying to think of things to remember to tell Jana Friday, but I keep forgetting them. I suppose you'd figure they weren't that important if I can't remember them, but I disagree. I may start just jotting them down in the iPAQ since I always have that with me. That would look so silly to bust out in the middle of a therapy session, but hey.

Been really enjoying the books Ella lent me. I've finished two so far ('Five-Finger Discount' and 'Welcome to My Country') and am now reading 'Angelhead'. I dig memoirs a lot. Jana said she's going to give me some "reference materials" at my next appointment to help me stay focused between visits- I'm curious to see what she'll suggest. Lucky me that I have these great women in my life now to help me keep reading my way through. ;)

I know there was something else I wanted to say here, but again, I don't remember. I'm glad I decided to do this, though. I love being able to speak freely, more or less, without worrying about what people think. I figure if you don't want to hear about it, don't read this one. You can still be my pal and know what's going otherwise from the other journal, so there's no pressure on anyone.

current mood: tired

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Saturday, February 26th, 2005
8:58 am - I had a Very Good Day yesterday.
My therapist is awesome. Just flat-out awesome. She smells faintly of patchouli and has lots of neat stuff in her office- teeny model cars, dolphin stuff, a bunch of CDs... and the most comfortable couch ever. While I don't care for the upholstery so much, it's really great. She's very calm and laidback, and when she uses therapy speak like "I need you to hear that..." and "If you're uncomfortable in any way, speak to that", etc., she makes it sound perfectly normal. At the end of the session she said she needed me to hear that this is doable and it will get better- and I believe her. Whoa. Her name is Jana, so that's how I'm going to refer to her here from now on. She said I can bring my own CDs or I can look through hers, and even that she can make a pot of tea or coffee if I needed it (luckily, they also have bottled water available so I'm set) so I feel really good about having 'my time' with her.

So far I think I've gotten really lucky with my first choices in this whole thing. My doctor is awesome, my first medication worked like a dream, my first ever trip to see a therapist went so much better than I could have imagined- things are good.

Also, I still have not taken the Paxil. I've taken my 10mg Lexapro the last two days and have felt more like I was a month ago or so. I wonder if there wasn't something else going on that, even though I was looking for it, I didn't see, because I'm feeling just fine now. The stuff I've read about Paxil really does make me apprehensive, so I think I'll keep going with my Lexapro and hold onto the Paxil samples for now. If in a week or so I'm back to feeling like crap, I'll give in and switch, but I hope it won't come to that.

I'm thinking about keeping a list of what I've eaten each day. I don't know if I should do it here or, God help me, create another journal. I'll mull it over today and see because I feel it would be good for me to keep track of that.

Yay for me taking another step forward! Yay for positive results!

Now, I must get ready and go for my workout. That'll be three times this week instead of the usual two- go, me! I was down 2lbs yesterday from Wednesday- I weigh myself each time I go just to have a consistent measure of my weight. Three different scales give me three different answers and that just makes me mad. Of course, I'm all bloated and full of extra water this week though too, so hopefully I haven't gained QUITE so much as the scale's said the last two visits.

current mood: happy

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Thursday, February 24th, 2005
5:38 pm - A care package... for me!
You are such a sweetheart, really. I started to tear up a little when I read your post, and you know that ain't like me.

I have 'My Many-Colored Days'... I've liked Dr. Seuss since I was a wee lass. My mom taught me to read using his books, so he's been with me a while. :)

current mood: touched

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11:58 am
The talk went well. I mostly just wanted to assure Management that I'm not stoned or drunk or just not giving a shit when I'm a little spacey. I told him about the changes in my medication, and advised that I'm not sure what will happen when I start taking the Paxil- that I was going to do it over the weekend to get the first few days out of the way.

I just really hope my FMLA gets approved this time, so that I don't have to do a whole lot more talking about it. It's not like I'm ashamed of it or anything, but it's hard to talk in any kind of capacity as an educator, 'specially since I'm still pretty lost myself.

current mood: okay

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11:03 am
Duh- I forgot that if I'm going to take the Paxil, I have to take it at night 'cause it induces drowsiness. I took another 10mg Lexapro today, though, because I need to be normal for work. I'll try the Paxil tonight and see how I feel tomorrow with only 5mg Lexapro (to hopefully stave off the discontinuation syndrome). I also have my appointment with the counselor at 9am tomorrow, and I'm starting to get anxious because I think I know where she is, but I'm not sure. When I talked to her on the phone I thought I knew how to get there but on my way home from Target the other day I passed another entrance to the place that I'd never noticed... which I think is the one I need. Better look that up, right?

I'm going to talk to my supervisor here shortly and try to explain things a little- he was teasing me earlier (I hope), saying "What are YOU doing here?" so obviously it's not gone unnoticed.

I'll also be posting every now and then about my dreams. I've had really vivid and strange dreams for as long as I can remember, but every once in a while certain elements come up again and again. I think it might be important to make note of that kind of thing in case it comes in handy later.

For instance, the other night I had one of my recurring 'big cat' dreams. Every now and then I dream about a lion or tiger and how it's stalking me. I'm almost never alone, but I usually end up having to be the action-taker to protect and defend us from it. The other night, though, someone else did. I and some other people were in the guest house separated by about 500 feet from the main house, up in the woods (the main house-guest house thing is a recurring element, too, but a pretty new one) and we knew there was a tiger on the loose. We couldn't get to a vehicle to get help because, well, there was a TIGER out there. Everyone else wanted to call Chuck at the main house and have HIM go for help (why we couldn't call ourselves I don't know) and I refused because I didn't want him to get eaten, and since no one really knew where the tiger was no one was any safer than anyone else. At one point I looked out one of the almost floor-to-ceiling windows and I SAW THE TIGER OMG WTF???!!11 and told everyone to get down on the floor, since if we were flat on the floor the tiger wouldn't see us and try to smash through the window. That's something else- I'm always afraid the tigers and lions are going to come through whatever barriers there are. I often dream about them pulling doors open by sticking their paws in when I'm trying to close them.

Anyway, someone stands up and says something bold and defiant, and while I'm terrified the tiger's going to get us he starts SHOOTING AT IT. Of course, this shatters the glass and I'm even more certain we're all going to die, and the next thing I remember in the dream we're all skinning the damned thing. Now, I do NOT hunt, and skinning animals is a particularly I-don't-think-so activity for me, but I guess we were all so happy that we weren't going to die that we didn't mind. I remember someone saying something about mittens or a muffler or some other 'm' word and I got the impression that we were donating the hide to charity. I know, it's fucking weird, but there you have it.

I also drew up rough floorplans a few weeks ago for a house I'd dreamed about- another guest house, this one only about 40 feet from a main house, but I liked the way I felt in the dream so much I thought it might make a rad 'someday' home.

current mood: working

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Wednesday, February 23rd, 2005
6:33 pm
New medication. I'm going to try 12.5mg of PaxilCR starting tomorrow. I still have to take 5mg of Lexapro for a week or two so's I don't get crazy discontinuation symptoms, but I'm hopeful I can manage that. I'm going to send a detailed email to my supervisor and my manager tomorrow explaining what's going on, and to let them know that I might be a little wonky for a while. If I'm lucky, it won't come to that, but better to be safe than sorry.

Since I was already about a half-mile away, I went over to HealthSouth to see if I could work out some of my frustration and mental toxins. I worked really hard and got pretty sweaty- I made sure to bring a ponytail holder with me, but did I remember to bring it in? Of course not. Anyhow, I feel a little less like a worthless slug... kinda gave myself something to be proud of in an otherwise blah day. My doctor is really, really nice- he said if anything happened before my next check-in to give him a call, and I really believe he meant that. He always takes me seriously and doesn't just try to throw stuff at me to shut me up, which I think makes me lucky to have found him since he's just a 'regular' doctor. I told him about my appointment with the counselor this Friday and he asked me to let him know how it goes since she (the counselor) came very highly recommended to him but I'm the first patient of his who's going to see her. He marked her name and a few others on the printout he gave me a few months ago when I asked about a referral, and since his wife is a psychiatrist I feel confident that I can trust his opinion.

Things seem to get harder and easier at the same time. I'm not really looking forward to divulging so much of this to my bosses, but on the other hand, it could help a lot. I've had some trouble already getting FMLA approved (I've resubmitted and am still waiting to hear) but it might still be a good idea to give them some details so they understand I'm not faking or trying to take advantage of them and the company. Not that I'm sure they do think that, and not that all the details in the world will save my job if my FMLA applications keep getting denied, but... I guess it would just help me be less paranoid.

current mood: determined

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10:43 am
Well, I'm home from work. I woke up at 3am and came down to pee and saw Chuck had fallen asleep on the couch. This is the second night in a row that I've awakened at 3 in addition to my usual 6am nature call. I set the alarm for 7:40 because when I actually get out of bed then I have plenty of time to do my daily exercises (hamstrings, clockcircles, dying bugs and crunches) but I've been about 50-50 since the weekend.

It doesn't seem to matter if I do or don't drink anything before bed, but the last few days I've felt like I had to pee even if I just went. If I really try I get a little trickle, but mostly I just have to live with it. I'm afraid to take more than the one trazodone- even an extra half makes me nervous until I can test it out on the weekend. I also have to have eaten at least a little something before bed because apparently trazodone isn't good on an empty stomach.

I took just the half of the 20mg Lexapro this morning and I'm feeling all right so far. I'm still super-sensitive, though- especially to noise. I keep turning the TV on and off and on and off because it gets too quiet, then too loud, then too quiet... bah. I have an appointment at 2pm today to discuss the medication and see if we're going to go with Plan B- back to 10mg Lexapro and adding Wellbutrin to the mix. I've done a little research and it seems that the Wellbutrin might be worth trying. It might even help with the total lack of sex drive I've had for at least a couple of months. I want to be able to have that kind of intimacy with Chuck as well as hugs and smooches, and cuddling for a short time until my legs or arms start to hurt or I just get irritable again for no reason. I worry that I'm disappointing and/or frustrating him, and I think he deserves better than just an explanation as to why I "don't feel like it." I want to feel like it again, damnit!

Need to shave my legs. Keep thinking I need to, and then every time I shower it just seems like too much work. I started worrying about putting more water in the vase so my lilies stay alive. Finally did that so I could quit thinking about it, but now I'm thinking about how it would be nice to have cushions for the chairs, and how I need to fold the clothes, and why haven't I seen the cat all morning? Plus the towels in the bathroom need to be hung properly and there's a ton of dishes that already need doing again. Gotta sync and charge the iPAQ, too. Should probably charge the phone but then what if I forget it when I leave for the doctor's office? Should I try to go have lunch with Chuck after, or should I go and see if doing my workout helps? Or should I just come home and go back to sleep? How am I going to put on my makeup and look presentable? Does caring about looking presentable mean I'm not that bad? Because I certainly feel pretty messed-up right now.

Fingers crossed. I hope I have a good appointment.

current mood: anxious

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Tuesday, February 22nd, 2005
9:25 pm
So I kinda freaked out at work today and had to come home early. I don't think the 20mg of Lexapro is agreeing with me- yesterday I was just spaced out and everything moved in slow motion all day. Today I started out spacey and just got more and more sensitive to sound and light, started getting paranoid, and almost started crying on a couple of calls. Not because anything particularly upset me... except every little thing.

This is so weird, to be trying to accept that I'm 'mentally interesting' (thanks, crazymeds) and beyond that, that I'm actually addressing it directly.

I'm having a really hard time finding words lately, too. And for someone who may not have really liked writing, I've always been pretty good. Now my communication skills are taking a blow

I do this thing where I count the letters in words and sentences. I don't really know what triggers it, if anything, and I don't really notice when I start. I break words down into letter groupings. One letter, two letters, three letters, etc. Or in twos, threes, fours, and so on, but usually threes because I like that. Just because most of the people I've told this to have looked at me a little funny at first, I'll give an example. Take the word 'example'. 'E' is one letter, 'xa' two letters, 'mpl' three letters- and, you might have noticed, you end up with an extra letter. This is where full sentences come into play. Sometimes I start breaking down a sentence, and sometimes I try to make sentences that will let all the letters fit in neatly. For instance, 'Take the word example' still doesn't work, but it'll keep you occupied for another minute or so breaking it down. Now, that same sentence is great for grouping in threes- 'tak', 'eth', 'ewo', 'rde' 'xam', 'ple'. Fascinating, isn't it?

I tried to post earlier- but LJ wasn't having it- about how I'm a picker. I pick at my face, pick at the backs of my upper arms, pick the huge boogers out of my nose every morning (and more often as of late, since it seems every time I turn around I can't breathe past them)... pick, pick, pick until it bleeds. I've stopped being quite so hard on my face because I really don't want permanent scarring, but I wish I could stop all together. I just don't know why I do it in the first place. I'm also an obsessive eyebrow tweezer, but as long as I can pretend I'm just extremely grooming-oriented I shall.

So I think that's good for now. Just sitting at home on my couch and listening to the furnace turn on and off has helped calm me down. I'm fighting being annoyed by the lamps, but will probably end up just going to bed in a while anyway. And tomorrow, I think I'll cut a Lexapro in half. I can't miss anymore work right now- it just makes me feel more self-conscious and paranoid.

current mood: tired

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3:50 pm
I'm binging lately. I can't seem to stop thinking about food- when I'm going to eat next, what I'm going to eat, how much everyone else will eat so I can calculate second helpings. I'm hiding it from people, too... sneaking a piece or three of bacon when I already had a plate waiting for me, blithely suggesting to Chuck that we order a pizza when I've had breakfast, a big lunch and plenty of snacks throughout the day but letting him think I haven't eaten that much... I'm really feeling fat and disgusting and ashamed but I can't stop. I don't know what to do about it. I've actually considered several times going in and throwing up but I'm afraid that's a slippery slope plus I'd feel bad having 'wasted' all that food.

I don't know what to do. :(

current mood: nauseated

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11:20 am - First post
I just created this journal to give me a place to put all my thoughts and info about what I'm doing medically/physically. I have another journal where I post about my day-to-day life, but I didn't want to choke up everyone's 'friends' pages with this kind of stuff.

For the record, my doctor's diagnosed me with fibromyalgia on top of Generalized Anxiety Disorder and depression. None of these came as any real surprise, but somehow having it confirmed has made me look at things somewhat differently. I saw a physical therapist for a little over two months and am now on an independent program where I go to the same facility and do a loosely-supervised workout. It's free for my first month and then only $25 each month thereafter so it's really a deal I can't argue. I take Lexapro and trazodone (20mg of Lexapro starting this week, up from 10mg, and 50mg of the trazodone) every day- Lexapro in the morning to get me through the day and trazodone at night so I can get some sleep.

I have very weird dreams but I always have- the Lexapro intensifies them but at least now I'm sleeping through most of the night. Sometimes I have a hard time later remembering what was dream and what was reality, but I figure it out pretty quickly.

I think I started experiencing what I would recognize as depression when I was about 12. I finally got up the nerve to ask my mom to commit me to an inpatient hospital (because I really wanted a break from all the stress in my life- AT 12 YEARS OLD) and she laughed it off. More about Mom and me later. :)

The anxiety... well, I've always been uncomfortable around strangers. When I was really young I was terrified of them, but I've gotten a lot better. I don't know sometimes, though, whether I'm really better or if I've just learned to fake it more convincingly. The incident I mention most to explain how ridiculous (to me, YMMV) I was is when I was about 14 and couldn't order my food at the McDonald's counter. I still don't care for drive-thrus. I have a lot of weird little quirks in this area, and I say 'weird' because in some ways I'm just fine, inside and out. But every now and then something pokes its head up and I look completely irrational.

As far as having fibromyalgia, I'm still learning what I can and mostly trying to eat better and get the right amount of exercise for me. I've been trying to cut out my workweek lunches at Taco Bell, but that's about the only real crap food I ingest. I'm hugely addicted to carbohydrate-laden foods like pasta and breads, and I looooove cheese and just about anything else dairy. My sweet tooth is pretty much limited to fruits and stuff like tiramisu, but I like the occasional candybar and have discovered chocolate cake is a lot better than I used to think.

My exercise routine takes me about an hour and a half, and with my current work schedule I'm only able to go twice a week. I start with six minutes on the handbike, then ten minutes on the treadmill at about 3mph. Then I do my hamstring stretches and clockcircles (just to stretch my shoulders and back muscles- they're exactly what they sound like) and start with the machines. I do three sets of ten on all of the following: leg presses at 90lbs, hip abduction and flexion at 25lbs on each side, 'pec deck' at 50lbs, tricep presses at 80lbs (I think- I keep raising it), pullovers at 50lbs, ab curls at 100lbs, rowing at 40lbs (this is the only one that's the same weight as when I started... it's really hard for me) and chest presses at 60lbs. Then I do my 'dying bugs'- on my back with my legs bent up at a 90-degree angle and I have to lower and raise each leg for three sets of ten, then three sets of ten crunches.

I guess that's it for right now- you've got your very basic background and my current status. We'll just have to see where things go from here. :)

current mood: busy

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